The Enid Blyton Society

Daisy wrote: I must say I immediately thought of something to eat when I first read the word!

So did I. Was it nibbits?

Sometimes it feels so nice, to know that I might be insignificant but the thread I started long ago is still going on
And I just wanted real help from you guys, my school is forcing us to pay for , applying through school to universities, and currently we are on loan and we cant pay to school, i've asked them for a waiver and they haven't responded yet and the worst part is they are not even willing to send transcripts and recommendations to universities if I amnot paying them the fee for registering from school to apply.
I've asked a couple of people but except one, no one has responded in helping me improve my college essay, I asked my English teacher but she said she was busy.and my counsellor who said until u don't pay as in register I cant help you.
So i need you guys, in helping me improve this essay I have written and comment also on my story.


These lyrics,
“I'm gonna live my life like I'm gonna die young
Like it's never enough, like I'm born to run
I'm gonna spend my time like tomorrow won't come
Do whatever I want like I'm born to run ”from the song ‘ I’m Born To Run’ by American Authors, are the mantra of my life both metaphorically and literally.
As a child, I suffered from emotional abuse, tough parenting, and bullying which resulted in depression and low self-esteem. In the main while, I was being brought up in system where a child was defined by grades.
My mind collapsed as the result for the IGCSE’s came. I would sit in dark for hours or go to the rooftop. That year I decided on giving two retakes, taking a gap year while the result wasn’t even bad, but it was my expectations that crumbled me.
Going through this hard period with past pain encroaching me.I was dying inside, feeling like a complete failure.
The lucky part was, we had shifted to a stunning area which was filled with greenery and a park. It was huge and beautifully made. The park was 10 mins walk from my home.
I went there one day with my little sister who was two, usually under my care. The park had a running track of about 1.85 kms. I took her to the swings, and from the swings I saw men running on the track. A surge of female power ran through me and I knew I should run. Running changed my life physically, mentally and emotionally. I was the only girl who ran and that felt amazing, all other women and girls only walked.
As I began, to go out from home on my own, I got weird looks from my mum as if my idea was completely absurd .On the way to the park, I faced harassment, in the park it was safer, but even then there were men who would follow me or stalk me because I was a girl on her own, and that too running because fewer females had such vigorous interests. My parents couldn’t drop me, and depending on them meant missing out on most days and I had no other girl who could go with me.
I cried oceans, being afraid of something worse happening .However, I didn’t give up I gulped fear and made myself appear stronger which helped me to some extent, and the chances of people trying to make a pass decreased because I appeared fearless however it still happened but I would take a stand against that.
Running in itself for a longer distance, meant a lot of pain and challenging. My consistency and speed, took a year to increase. From stopping after every minute of running, I went to running consistently for 15 mins of 1.85 kms. The pain didn’t cease, but my endurance increased and after completing a track, I almost felt like I flew in the air, like nothing was impossible if you keep going on.
Running gave me a whole new life, other than my physical activities. When I was at home, I would try n fulfill all my passions. Just like dance and music, I would dance for hours and do it passionately which increased my interest into fitness and sports. I explored more of my passions from, space to literature. I visualized being an astronaut, finding a new discovery in science and maths. I cooked my own recipes, I started writing a novel and I started developing interest in brain mechanics of achieving success.
I was transforming as person, I felt proud of myself because I had the growth mindset. I felt more empowered and empathetic for, the unfortunate people around me .I was becoming much more kind and motivating towards other people.




Regards
Zainab

Hello Zainab, it's nice to see you here again. I'm not sure what you are asking - if you want someone to correct your essay, is it quite fair to submit it as your own work? If your admission to University depends on it, that doesn't seem quite right.
I wonder if this story is an invention of yours or you are actually talking about your own experience of life, or perhaps a mixture. I would like to know more.

I think the content of your essay, the story, is excellent. There are some minor grammar, spelling and vocabulary mistakes however that make it look like you are not a native speaker of English.

No this is my real story Daisy,
The essay the plot and the writing is my own, i just want people to edit or improve the errors in it ,thats allowed and that's what counsellors do.
Thankyou KEVP, could u help me improve it like where i need to correct it?

Right Zainab. I have emailed you on here with a revised version, taking out commas where they are not needed and making a few small alterations. For example in an essay you should use "and" - not just "n" even if that is how you say it!

I too thought the content was very good - a lively and very readable account. Yes, there were some grammatical errors - which can easily be put right - as I am sure you will see from Daisy's revisions. Really good piece, though - I enjoyed it and thank you for sharing it.

Thank you so much , these positive comments are really making my day and giving me hope,because I am completely isolated by my school, I asked them to waive off my fee but they aren't responding. And the universities ,need my school to send them recommendations and transcripts.And my counsellor isn't even helping me improve the essay until the fee waiver issue is sorted, I was doing everything on my own.

And there was much more to the story, but I couldn't write more than 650 words.This time taught me how vulnerable sometimes a girl could be, and i felt for other women. I felt for other kids who have the potential to grow yet are put down and degraded for their grades.I learnt how important your childhood is in making you who you are, emotional abuse is too bad for a child. I often felt I was a complete looser and no one deserves to have a child like me,but then I learnt that struggle and failure are the most important parts in making you a better person and more successful person.

Thank you Daisy, your support will forever be remembered!
Thankyou Rob and Kevp once again, your words have truly made my day and motivated me.

That's a very evocative and moving account, Zainab — thanks for sharing. As others have said, with just the few slight corrections from Daisy it should be fine. Wishing you all the best with your university application.

floragord wrote:Is it just me or is the phrase "who knew" now applied to every possible situation and circumstance

That's interesting! Its something I admit I used to say a lot - about 10 years ago, but its a phrase I rarely use nowadays. Where I lead, people follow!!!

Good luck with your universityapplication, Zainab! I really hope you get the course that you like. Like others, I enjoyed reading your writing.

Rob Houghton wrote:Where I lead, people follow!!!

That sounds just like a Nigelism!

Thank you so much Courtney,Sixret and floragod!!!!
Every single word is like gold for me,its the only thing that makes me happy in tough time!

I have just read your superb essay, Zainab. Good luck with your university applications.