Jokes

[sixret]

Believe it or not, my eyes saw the price first!

[Katharine]

I thought it was the book she was reading!

My first thought was "I hope she remembered the sun cream, or she'll get terribly burnt".

[pete9012S]

[pete9012S]

Without cheating,can you guess what sort of dropping went into the helmet?

[pete9012S]

Note that although the characters of "Bruno Vincent" and "Enid Blyton" seem to have merged, originally they were distinct...

[KEVP]

Are you taking the mickey with me?

[Courtenay]

Just ran across this set of brilliant and enlightening "lost in translation" pieces... The Best Chinglish from Two Years in China

To be fair on the translators, their English is a lot better than my Chinese!

[Lucky Star]

HeHe very funny.

[Courtenay]

I think my favourites are "Exotic Romance Zone" (the mind boggles ) and "Wildlife is not food." Plus some of those interesting menu selections at the end.

[Machupicchu14]

Haha!!! that was hilarious!!!

[IceMaiden]

Those are billiant! 'two creeps'

[pete9012S]

[IceMaiden]

These were in our local church magazine, I thought they were too funny to not keep so I copied them them all out.

Pay special attention to the wording and spelling, it comes from a catholic elementary school test. Kids were asked these questions about the old and new testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected. Any spelling mistakes have been left in.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, god got tired of creating the World so he took the sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah build an ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson splayed the Philistined with the axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the Dessert. Afterwards Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is though shalt not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada then Joshua led the He-brews in the battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

13. David was a Hebrew King who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Findelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When mary heard she was the mother of jesus, she sang the magna carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained that man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.

23. One of the opossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.

24. St Paul cavorted to christianity, he preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marraige.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

[Machupicchu14]

Oh my goodness!!!! I have never laughed so much in my life!!!

[Lucky Star]

These lists are always very funny.